When I was a young child, my parents would wait until the very last minute before they told my older brother, Andrew and I about holiday plans and other exciting events. Living with the constantly changing circumstances that go with farming life, I can understand their reasoning - while making plans, they knew that a change on the farm could mean cancelation with only a moment's notice. I guess that plans were kept from us, to spare us the disappointment and upsets that would inevitably follow if things didn't work out, and perhaps to curb our relentless excitement. Counter to their plans, Andrew was a skilled eavesdropper and therefore always knew when there were plans afoot. Once he had even a vague whiff of something exciting happening, he would inform me and swear me to secrecy. We would quietly get excited, loop disguised hints and questions into conversations with Mum and Dad, and frequently have to manage our own secret disappointment when plans changed or we eventually had to accept that perhaps Andrew had misheard.

I often come back to these memories when in conversations about how best to support people, I hear of people who are not told about an exciting event until moments before it happens. Given my own experiences, I can certainly understand the reasons for this, particularly when reactions to disappointment in a service context can lead to far more serious reactions than a few tears and stamping of feet. I also understand that for many people, even very exciting events still constitute change and unpredictability, and therefore can create large amounts of anxiety.  When people have no choice but to rely on services and staff to ensure plans are acted on, it can be more likely that events that are out of the ordinary will be cancelled or may never get organised at all - particularly when people are supported in groups and there may be conflicting priorities. Another side to this of course, is that if no promises are made, no expectations are raised (disappointment avoided), and no one is ever held accountable to the person.

As most of us do, I reached a point where my parents no longer did the organising, and a much broader range of people and events (including my own actions), impacted on whether or not plans came to fruition. Naturally there were disappointments that came with this, and naturally I learnt to deal with them with at least some increases in maturity as I aged.  Having the central role in planning the things that happen in my life, I have a good understanding of why things don't happen, which ultimately helps when I find myself disappointed. In contrast, I react far less sensibly to difficult or disappointing events that are completely outside of my control. 

There are few things that compare to experiencing the buzz of anticipation, or witnessing someone else gripped by a whirlwind of excitement in the lead up to a longed for event - I personally find it incredibly uplifting, and it horrifies me that in the name of good support, so many people in our services are habitually denied this basic human experience. Perhaps I'm oversimplifying the issue, but it seems fairly logical to me, that if people are to live rich and full lives, we must move beyond filling support sections of plans and profiles with statements like "Jackson finds it hard to cope with changes to plans, only tell him about things like holidays, outings and family visits at the last possible moment." Instead I'd like to hear people asking questions like "How can we best support Jackson to enjoy the build up to exciting events? How we best involve him in the planning? How can we support him with his disappointment if things he's been looking forward to don't happen?"

Decision making agreements and profiles feel like helpful tools to start with here, but I'd love to hear what else people are trying and learning in relation to this.